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, by Susan J. Zonnebelt-Smeenge
Download Ebook , by Susan J. Zonnebelt-Smeenge
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Product details
File Size: 7593 KB
Print Length: 228 pages
Publisher: Baker Books (October 1, 1998)
Publication Date: October 1, 1998
Sold by: Amazon Digital Services LLC
Language: English
ASIN: B005WVOFGW
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Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#1,022,159 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
I write this review today as I am purchasing this book for an acquaintance that has lost her spouse. This book was given as a gift to me when I was widowed at the age of 27 after losing my husband in an accident, and being left to raise our infant daughter on my own. I have read many books on grieving and recovering from the loss of a spouse and this was by far the most helpful to me. I opened it up about a week after my husband's death, read the introduction and found it was just too much- I recoiled at the notion there could ever be happiness again much less a full life and the mere thought of another marriage made my physically ill. Another few weeks went by and I picked it up again, drawn to the idea that there could be an "other side" to such pain and misery, and wanting desperately to stop hurting. This became my go- to book. I would read as much as I could process at the time and would then put it away, only to return to it when I was ready to continue the journey. I read this book many times, the last time after I became engaged to be married again. It was hard but I found that other side of grief, where you can continue to love and cherish the time and memories of the person you lost, and yet go on to live a full life again. I am now happily married and have been blessed with more children. I have purchased many copies of this book and have given them out as the unfortunate occasion arises. I have had deep friendships forged with fellow widows because I reached out with this book and have witnessed some stories similar to my own unfold. I buy this again today with the hope and prayer that another widow would be successful in getting to the other side of grief.
As a grieving husband who lost his beloved wife of 35 years this book gave me insight and the tools to begin a successful journey thru grief. It was so helpful to understand the process I was emotionally experiencing all the while confirming I wasn't going nuts. Waves of tears and sadness that I am not used to experiencing or exhibiting, especially in front of others, we're normal. This book gave a 62 year old widow permission to grieve & a plan with purpose to get to the other side sooner rather than later. I am a born again Christian and very much needed a book with my world view to minister to me.
Before I read this book I read a negative but very popular review. Now that I've read the book, I believe the author of that review, in her pain and suffering, misread what the author of the book actually said. What he said is what is actually in the bible. Death entered the world when Adam and Eve were put out of the Garden of Eden. Half the book is about a very specific kind of spiritual belief. If you can't handle Genesis this is not the book for you.The practical half of the book, which is very clearly marked as being written by the therapist is excellent for anyone. The spiritual half of the book is clearly written for a specific segment of the general population. Although I don't belong to that segment of the population I found what the Pastor had to say useful anyway.Both of the authors lost their first spouses, both of them after marriages long enough to have raised children to adulthood. They have been where their readers are and what they have to say, both the practical things and the spiritual things, are helpful if you are trying to work your way to the other side of grief.
Although I am not widowed yet (husband has advanced Alzheimer's) the authors helped me immensely. My sorrow and grief were unbearable when I first started reading, but am so much better now. I am able to visit my husband knowing the best is being done for him and when he dies I will hopefully be equipped to handle the huge loss. I may have to re-read the book!
I ordered this book for myself after checking it out of the "library" at a GriefShare Support Group. My 43yo husband died suddenly and unexpectedly and I have been clamoring for information about how to get through this, over this, past this, around this pain. I am learning that it doesn't work that way. What I like about this book is that you get more than one perspective, the man explains what he went through and what helped him as a male and as a pastor. The woman explains things from a female perspective and is a clinical psychologist. I just felt there was so much to take away from the way it was presented, I read the whole book in 2 nights. It may not be for everyone because it is a Christian based book, but I really appreciated the different ideas on various areas of grieving. There is no "answer" book, although I keep looking, but I feel this book is pretty practical and yet genuinely supportive. There were parts where I didn't relate or agree, but I was not offended because I understood it was just a presentation of another perspective and I gained in other areas. I feel it's a book you need to reference at different times during your grief because the end focuses on "the end" when you feel healed and ready to move on. And since I'm not there yet, I will have to go back to that part at a later date. All in all, a practical, supportive read.
While i appreciate the intent of the authors the book lacked continuity for me. After losing my wife a month earlier my mind was confused enough without switching between clinical analysis and spiritual guidance in every chapter. It was like spaghetti sauce on ice cream. I like them both, but not together. Hopefully it was more useful for others. On to another book!
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